Well, Munchkin and I are back home from my Fantastic family “get-together” in Dover, where we spent five wonderful days of almost non-stop eating of some great foods, with my four sons, daughter-in-laws, grandchildren, my mother and one of my brothers.

First, on Wednesday the 21^st, my youngest son (the one who just got married back in April) took all of us out to dinner at a seafood buffet. The next morning, Thanksgiving Day, my mother, my brother and I got busy preparing the traditional Thanksgiving turkey, candied yams, pumpkin pie, etc., while my sons and daughter-in-laws were busy preparing all types of Vietnamese dishes such as; spring rolls, beef on stick, Vietnamese style fried rice and bar-b-q chicken and pork, etc.

We were up well past 2:00 am with the feed bags firmly in place and believe it or not, there were NO “left-overs” by the time we went to bed around 2:50/3:15 am. When everyone arose around 10:00 am on Friday, after a quick breakfast, all of the grandkids kicked in and helped with the clean up of dishes, pots and pans from the night before. That night, my third oldest son who lives in Florida decided that he and his wife will take us all to a Steak & Ale restaurant for dinner, then back to my oldest son’s house for dessert which consisted of a Thai coconut ice cream which his wife made, served with slices of mango, and sipping a delicious Vietnamese plum wine.

Come Saturday morning, after we finished breakfast, my mother, who is 91 years-old, ordered all of us out of the house and not to come back until supper time, so my sons and I, along with my brother, took the kids out to an arcade and then for pizza, while the wives went shopping. When we returned to my son’s house, we discovered that my mother had prepared a lasagna dinner, complete with homemade meatballs and garlic bread. Mama Mia! What a feast. Then it was a quiet night at home playing yahtzee and bingo with the entire family.

Early on Sunday morning, my oldest son told me that he arranged for me to have use of the base chapel to celebrate the Divine Liturgy for not only the family but also for those on base who wished to attend. Following the Liturgy, we spent an hour in the mess hall socializing with coffee and donuts. Late that afternoon, my second oldest son who lives near me, decided that he and his wife would treat the whole clan to dinner at the Olive Garden Restaurant. Later it was back to my oldest son’s for some final “good-byes” and last minute packing. About 7:00 pm, my third oldest headed for the airport with his wife and son to fly back to Florida. My youngest left with his new bride to head back to Virginia, while my second oldest, with the help of my brother, loaded up his van for our return trip to Webster, NY. As we said our final “good-byes”, there wasn’t a dry eye to be found and that included mine. As they say; “Parting is such sweet sorrow.” Thus I returned home with little Munchkin, early this afternoon, both of us about 200 lbs. heavier but with some sweet memories.

Now, I know that many of you probably over did it on the food and there is a good chance that you also feel guilty over it. To put your minds at ease, Munchkin and I have put together the following Health and Eating question and answer session:

Question from a woman at the Steak & Ale: Munchkin, I heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong ones life; is this true?

Answer by Munchkin: Let’s use some intelligence here. Your heart is good for just so many beats, and that’s it. . . Don’t waste them on exercise; after all, everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart won’t make you live longer; you see, that is like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving faster. You want to live longer? Take a nap.

Question to me from a man at a thruway rest stop: Father, should I cut down my meat consumption and eat more fruits and vegetables?

Answer by “Abouna”: Please try to grasp the logistical efficiencies here. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Why they are VEGETABLES! Therefore a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables into your system. Need grain? Chow down on a chicken. Beef is also an excellent source of field grass (green leafy vegetables). And, believe it or not, a nice juicy pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of various vegetable products.

Question from a wino outside of a video arcade: Hey “Hic” dog person, should I reduce my alcohol intake?

Answer by Munchkin: First, my name is Munchkin, not dog person. Second to answer your question: NO, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled from wine, which means that they take the water out of the fruity bit so that you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is brewed from grains, so; “Bottoms up!”

Question to me from a waitress at the Olive Garden: Father, can you please tell me how to calculate my body/fat ratio?

Answer by “Abouna”: That is very simple, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Question from a young teenage boy to Munchkin: Munchkin, what would be some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

Answer by Munchkin: I can’t think of a single one. Sorry, but my philosophy is “NO PAIN . . . . Great!”

Question to me from a “FOOD NAZI”: But Abouna, aren’t fried foods bad for you?

Answer by “Abouna”: You are not listening to me you moron! These days, foods are fried in VEGETABLE oil. In fact they are permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Question from an emaciated looking blond to Munchkin: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

Answer by Munchkin: Definitely NOT! When you exercise a muscle, it gets BIGGER! You should only be doing sit-ups if you WANT a bigger stomach.

Question to me from one of my daughter-in-laws: Papa, is chocolate bad for me?

Answer by “Abouna”: Are you crazy? HELLO! Cocoa Beans! Another vegetable. Why, it’s the best ‘feel good’ food around.

Question from my mother to Munchkin: Dear Little Munchkin, is swimming good for one’s figure?

Answer by Munchkin: Dear sweet grandma, if swimming were good for anyone’s figure, then please explain whales to me.

Question to me by my youngest son: Papa, is getting into shape important to my life?

Answer by “Abouna”: Brandon my boy, even round is a shape!

Well, folks, I hope that this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about foods, diets and exercises, and please remember:

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving there safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather one should skid in sideways, holding a bottle of Chardonnay in one hand and a box of Chocolates in the other, your body thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming: “WOO HOO, WHAT A RIDE!”