WEDNESDAY MUSINGS - #3

What Would Happen if Noah

Had to Build the Ark Today

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United
States , and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before
I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but
no Ark.

"Noah!" God roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but! things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning
laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had
to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future
costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage
for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but
they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order
to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the
wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the
accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many
animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an
environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how
many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the
people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union
workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave
the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. "

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across
the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy
the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The Liberals beat me to it."