“Just Hitting Another Brick Wall”
Today’s Golden Pig award is going to Ms. Lindsay Lohan and her mother:
Fresh out of rehab, the media darling has once again been arrested and booked on suspicion of drunken driving and possession of cocaine, early Tuesday morning.
Less than two weeks out of rehab and a previous drunken-driving case still pending, Lohan’s blood alcohol level was between 0.12 and 0.13 percent when police found her at
It appears that the poor little rich girl just can’t stop hitting the sauce and the drugs.
Lindsay’s mother Dina rightfully deserves to share in the honor of the Golden Pig Award, because if she had spent as much time being a mother to Lindsay and less time being her daughter’s best friend, perhaps Lindsay’s life would have been less chaotic. Lindsay has been surrounded by enablers, and her mother has been one of the biggest. My guess is that mother Lohan is afraid she will lose her goose that laid the golden egg, if she tries to bring her daughter under control.
Why Parents Drink
A Father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion...Dad...she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime, we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your Grandchildren.
Love, Your Son John
PS.
Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a bad report card (it's in my center desk drawer).
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.
“Abouna” Gregori
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