SUNDAYS TWO-CENTS WORTH- #8

Breaking News on the Religious Front:

Televangelist and Faith Healer Exposed as Fraud

THE TACOMA FREE PRESS - Pastor Benny Hinn doesn’t even

have the spiritual ability to start his own car, claims an eye

witness.

Mr. Schmart Alec, 43 of Tacoma Washington, says that he had just attended one of Hinn’s faith healing services where dozens of so-called disabled folks were “healed”. Upon leaving the auditorium, Mr. Alec states that he witnessed Pastor Hinn, who was seated behind the wheel of his gas guzzling SUV, slamming his hands against the steering wheel in an irate manner. Schmart states that this went on for several minuets. Finally, a furious Hinn exited his vehicle, screaming invectives at the SUV and then placed both of his hands on the hood of his auto, screaming “HEAL” and “START DAMN YOU”. Then after a few moments in silent prayer with his eyes closed, Mr. Alec states, Hinn screamed “START!” and then pushed violently against the vehicle’s grill, causing Hinn to fall flat on his butt when the large SUV failed to budge. Hinn then stood up, brushed himself off and used his cell phone to call a tow truck.

Devout Roman Catholic Women Sees Vision of the Lord in a Tortilla Shell

MEXICO CITY NEWS – Senora Maria Orosco, a 78-year-old mother of seven and grandmother of thirteen, had just finished making herself a homemade tortilla shell when she claims she saw the face of Jesus appear in the shell along with three paragraphs of what seemed to be Hebrew text. Orosco says she then covered the holy vision with beans and ate it.

Nobody would have known about this miracle had not Maria been overcome by guilt and confessed the whole thing to her local priest, Father Jose Colon, who advised her to go public.

When asked by her parish priest why she didn’t save the “Blessed Image”, Maria stated, “I was hungry and this is Mexico. Food doesn’t exactly grow on trees around here.”

The reaction from Biblical scholars around the world was one of anger. Professor Ian Rothchild of the Association of International Bible Scholars, angrily stated, “There's no telling what this message could have been—clarification of the book of Revelation, an answer to predestination versus free will or even a clear message to the Amish to stop living in the past. This woman should be thrown in jail."

However, Alberto Cardinal Maria-Hernandez, Mexico's Archbishop, was much more forgiving when he said, "God knew this woman was hungry when he created the vision. We can't pretend to know the ways of the Father. Why does God allow suffering? Why do so many willfully live excommunicate from the one true Church? And what's the deal with airline food? These are questions that only God can answer."

"I've learned my lesson," said a penitent Orosco. "The next time God appears to me in my food, I'm definitely going to take a picture before I eat it.”

“Abouna” Gregori