The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand and even electronically.
This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you should receive WORK from your boss or any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever, DO NOT TOUCH IT!
This virus will wipe out your private life completely. Therefore, if you should come into contact with WORK, leave the premises immediately. It is advised that you take two good friends with you to nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes – Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (also known as WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidotes repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
Please pass this medical alert on to five friends. If you do not have five friends, then you already have been infected by WORK and it is controlling your life.
Important Information for Any Northerners Moving South.
--If you have the misfortune of running your car into a ditch, do not panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pick up truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
--Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait being sold in the same store. Just don’t buy food there.
--Remember, “Y’all” is singular, “all Y’all” is plural, and “all Y’all’s” is plural possessive.
--Get used to hearing “You ain’t from around here are ya?”
--Be sure to save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
--Be advised that “He needed killin” is a valid defense in the South.
--If you hear a Southerner exclaim, “Hey y’all watch this,” you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he’ll ever say.
--If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn’t matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
--Do not be surprised to find that 10 year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mamas taught them how to aim.
--In the South, the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
--Down South, you can get a divorce and still be brother and sister.
--Lastly, if you do settle in the South and have children, don’t think that they will be accepted as Southerners. After all, if a cat has kittens in the oven, you wouldn’t call them biscuits.
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