"JUST HITTING ANOTHER
BRICK WALL"
Why isn’t God treating me fair?
There are so many of us, going through life today, who cannot seem to understand why we are not getting the type of life that we keep wishing for. Some are seeking fame and fortune; some are seeking that perfect wife/husband with the picture perfect kids.
So many are completely dissatisfied with how they look; big nose, small nose, crooked nose, no nose. Ears too big or too small, big butt or butt not big enough. Ditto for their breasts and other body parts.
People are looking for that perfect job with the huge salary so that they can get that perfect house with all of the gadgets, not to mention that perfect motor vehicle.
We are taught from birth that we are entitled to the best of everything because we deserve it, just by virtue of having been born. And when things don’t come our way, we get ticked off, stamp our feet and shake our fist at God and yell at Him for not being fair.
Well, let me tell you that it is to our benefit that God is NOT fair. Why is that you ask? Well, let us examine what fairness would imply:
Fairness would mean that everyone got exactly as he or she deserved and everyone would be treated the same. If God were completely fair, we would all spend eternity in hell paying for our sin, which is exactly what we deserve. In a world where there are drive-by shootings, child abuse, terrorism and other indescribable forms of evil, it is difficult to speak of life being fair. It seems that too often good people go unrewarded, and evil people go unpunished. There are those who strive every day of their lives but never seem to get anywhere, while others just cruise along and every thing comes their way. Yet, sometimes those who have strived and have little or nothing appear to be happy, while those who have it all are still miserable.
The problem is not weather God is fair or unfair. Often, the problem lies with us. We are so wrapped up in what we want and just like little children, we not only want it, we want it NOW. And when we don’t get it, we are so busy venting our spleens at God for our perceived misfortune that we fail to hear what God is saying to us. I sometimes feel that God just wants to scream at us: “SHUT THE HELL UP AND LISTEN!”
It isn’t always about us, what we want, what we think we need, what we think we deserve. In other words, it isn’t about me, me, meeee. Maybe, if we would just shut up and listen, we just might hear God calling us to a different kind of life that He has planned for us. It could very well be that He wants us to serve Him in a special way and to lead the type of life that He has deigned for us.
Using my life as an example, let me try to explain what I am talking about:
When I was a little kid, my life was not a bed of roses. I was not “good looking” or even remotely popular in school or any place else. I was extremely underweight with very crooked teeth, un-coordinated and I have worn glasses since the age of eleven. So there you have it, I was a four-eyed Skinny-Minny stumble bum. Gees, talk about low self-esteem.
I always dreamt of marrying that perfect girl and having a whole mess of kids, and having a high paying job so that I could buy a ranch or farm and live happily ever-after. Yup, that is what I dreamt until God came along and kicked me in the butt.
Yes, I got married, but unfortunately, it wasn’t to the “perfect” girl, and I did not get to have that whole mess of kids, at least not in the way I had dreamt. You see, my wife was not able to carry a baby to term due to some health problems, among which was a severe case of diabetes and, to add insult to injury, unknown to me at the time of our marriage, she was extremely addicted to drugs and alcohol. Instead of having a mess of biological kids of my own, the Lord blessed me by allowing me to adopt four of the greatest boys in the world, three from
The ranch and/or farm didn’t pan out either. That wasn’t in God’s plan for me, as he led me to become a priest. I was ordained an Orthodox Catholic priest in 1983. Shortly after we had adopted our last son, I was forced to seek a Church annulment and a civil divorce because my ex-wife’s drinking and drugs had gotten progressively worse and it was taking an emotional toll on the boys and me. I ended up with sole custody of the boys.
To make a long story somewhat shorter, the ranch/farm ended up being a series of rented houses and apartments, and there was no great salary. As an Orthodox priest, not living in a monastery, I had to work at a secular job to support myself and my sons, as I did not receive a salary through the Church. I worked as a nurse in a nursing home, a short-order cook, a printer, a janitorial supervisor and a truck driver.
I didn’t make the kind of money I wanted, but God saw to it that I made the money I needed to keep a roof over my sons’ heads, food in their stomachs and clothes on their backs.
I ended up not having the love of a woman, but the love from those to whom I ministered to, along with the love of God, has more than made up for it. In the words of Lacordaire:
Thou Art a Priest Forever:
"To live in the midst of the world without wishing its pleasures; to be a member of each family, yet
belonging to none; to share all sufferings; to penetrate all secrets;
to heal all wounds; to go from men to God and offer Him their prayers;
to return from God to men to bring pardon and hope; to have a
heart of fire for charity and a heart of bronze for chastity; to teach
and to pardon, console and bless always. My God, what a life! and it is yours, O priest of Jesus Christ!"
And I wouldn’t trade the love of my sons, my daughter-in-laws and my grandchildren for all the ranches/farms or high paying jobs in the world. Click on the following to see what I mean:
www.freewebs.com/archimandrite_gregori/godblessmychildren.htm
Along the way, I came to realize that God doesn’t always give us what we want, but He always gives us what we need.
So, the next time you are feeling short changed in life, or that you are not being treated fairly, before you start engaging in your pity party, then just “shut the hell up” and listen to God. He just might have something so much better planned for you.
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